JMP Newsletter 5:1

Greetings everybody... it's been a long time, but I hope this finds you well and looking forward to exciting things in 2024. Big adventures, great successes, time with loved ones... I don't know, whatever it is that's written on your heart, whatever you wish to achieve, I hope your sights are set and you're ready to go.

Personally, while I'd like to head in that direction myself, I feel like I'm still trying to shake the rust off a little bit coming out of 2023. It was a weird year for me- especially in a business sense. One where everything that I'd been holding together with chicken wire and bailing twine finally fell apart. I broke my camera, had both computers give out on me, and had a bunch of other gear related failures as well. I cut way back on art festivals and shows, and time spent in the field was pretty limited. For someone trying to make it their profession, photography at times felt like a side hobby that seemed sadly out of reach.

But it's not that I didn't see some of this coming. The past five years or so have undoubtedly been the most challenging of both my professional and personal life. The pandemic nearly served a death blow to my business, and I've been struggling to get out of that hole since. I knew that I was living on borrowed time with an entire arsenal of aging equipment; and that I need to make major investments to keep up with changing technology, upgrade my show displays, and stand a chance in this extremely competitive field. But I just wasn't able to do that barely treading water as I'd been. So that's why last January I started a new job, working in a warehouse, in order to draw a steady paycheck for awhile. I needed to be willing to step away from my business in order to save it.

Frankly, it wasn't a minute too soon. Probably a couple years late if anything, but hey... we live and learn. Carrying that job- even when it came at the expense of my usual schedule of art festivals- is what allowed me to better absorb some of these blows. I put my head down, took on a ton of overtime, and was not only able to finally buy groceries without having a panic attack (sometimes) but I've also started to put some of those broken photo pieces back in place. I was able to find a used camera and laptop- neither are what I would have chosen new, but both have plenty of life left and should keep me going for now. And I just invested in a new desktop computer. For the first time in ages I'll be able to edit photos and video without constant crashes, unreasonable lag time, lost work, or profanity laced meltdowns.

While the security of the job is nice it does put me in kind of a weird place, because it feels like I can only act as a working photographer in fits and starts- and I don't like that. There are only so many hours in a day and I feel like I'm always running behind. Earlier this week, from the minute I got off work to when I finally crashed after midnight, I was juggling different projects on both coasts- working with a framer in Portland on behalf of one of my clients, and pulling together a last minute submission for a magazine editor in D.C. I'm sitting on thousands of photos that have never seen the light of day due to the limited or non-existent editing capabilities I've had in recent years (and which I'm now chomping at the bit to catch up on.) My inbox is also full of emails, and social feeds with artist friends, announcing an exciting slate of festivals in many of my favorite places in the year ahead. My heart desperately wants to get back out there and be a part of it all.

In contrast and hinderance to all of this is my current reality. Filled with ten hour days- four, five, sometimes six a week- spent driving up and down warehouse aisles on a fork truck. I'm not above this or any work... it's just not really how I want to spend my time on this Earth. I don't want to live a passionless life. I don't want to spend my days simply going through the motions. I don't want my story to be mundane, or the good parts to be all over. Unfortunately though, a person also has to do what it takes to survive; and my situation, both from circumstance and of my own making, kind of takes some of the control in that out of my own hands. In this moment, the things I'm passionate about aren't always enough to make ends meet.

And thus we come to my word of the year. Those of you who have been following this newsletter for some time may remember that a few years back, a friend (thanks Barb!) introduced me to the concept of selecting a specific word, in lieu of a traditional resolution, to act as your personal theme for the coming year. I really like the idea because instead of working in cut and dry absolutes, it offers opportunity for continued growth, and a term to continually come back to and re-center your focus.

The word I have chosen for 2024 is PATIENCE.

While there are plenty of days when it feels like every fiber of my being screams out that it's time to change course and turn my full attention back to photography and other dreams, I have the experience to know that it's just not feasible right now. Like I said, the pandemic, ongoing struggles with depression and other adversities left me in a pretty bad place these past few years- and while I'm finally making strides to recover from some of that, I'm not there yet. I recognize that this chapter of my life needs to be one of hard work, sacrifice, and admittedly still figuring some things out, in order to get back to where I want to be.

I do still want, and intend, to build a life where I can make a living through photography and writing, full time. But next time I take that leap I need to be able to do it with no turning back. That's what I'm working toward. It will take perseverance to keep from giving up and just settling when things get hard, but also the patience and maturity to keep from jumping the gun; to keep building piece by piece, and believing the right time will be earned, and still waits ahead.

So what does that mean for the present? Unfortunately the biggest thing is 2024 will be another year of doing very few art shows. In continuing with this warehouse job I'll have to work within my allocated time off for travel, and along with art festivals I have a couple of other things I hope to pursue this year as well. My schedule is yet to determined as I still have to be accepted to these shows, but at the moment I anticipate the Iowa Arts Festival, Logan Summerfest, Whitefish Arts Festival, and possibly one or two appearances in Jackson, Wyoming to be my only shows. On the flip side of this, I do plan to put more energy into other aspects of my photography that I've neglected through the time, stress and financial strains of extensive festival travel the past several years. I hope to spend more time in the field, capturing new images and brushing up on skills. I'll again be strategically combining photography trips with travel to the shows mentioned above, and am getting excited for specific shoots I'm planning in Iowa, northern Utah, Glacier and the Tetons.

With a functional computer I can also now start learning new editing skills, and working to improve my online presence. I want to put a lot more effort into my blog and website, believe it or not I have a new goal of releasing newsletters on at least a monthly basis this year, and... albeit reluctantly... it's probably time to at least try putting myself out there a little more on social media again as well.

The challenge in this of course is going to be finding a way to stay on top of somewhat abstract plans; and drifting further from my usual seasonal show routine brings the risk of perhaps letting professional ambitions slide and just settling into complacency with the comfort of working a 9 to 5, until photography really is just a hobby. I don't think I'm going to let that happen though. I've been working to make a go of this for far too long, and it's never been about finding success on the festival scene.

I also don't need to be out on the road to receive little motivations and reminders.

Last month, in the tardiness of releasing my 2024 calendars, I offered to include personal notes for anyone who was sending them as gifts. Again, being without a computer until the last minute really complicated pulling the designs together, and I'll confess now that at one point I seriously considered not making them this year at all. I'm glad that I did though. I received such wonderful feedback, from people telling me how much they loved them, to parents of childhood classmates telling how they've become an annual Christmas list request. Plus, addressing the packages to be sent to homes in at least eighteen different states across the nation was very humbling and cool.

And then there were the notes. What began as an innocent offer to make up for last minute deliveries in turn provided insight that I really took to heart. One such example came from a woman who ordered an Iowa calendar to be sent directly to a friend in Arizona, requesting that I include a message that said the following...

"...I know you will enjoy having a small but gorgeous piece of Iowa in your home in the coming year - Merry Christmas..."

This is what it's always been about. Creating work that can touch people, even in a small but significant way. Serving as a focal point for reflection, paying tribute to special places, inspiring appreciation and fostering connections. These are the things that deeply matter to me. And it's why I'll find a way to continue doing what I do.

With that I suppose I'd better wrap this one up. I mean it's damn near February so I'm already walking a fine line with the whole issue a month plan. I will confess though, despite the level headed approach I'm trying to present here- there's a lot I don't like about this. The idealistic dreamer in me wants nothing more than to jab my forefinger down hard on the backspace button and delete the vast majority of what I've written above. Life really is too short to coast along in any manner that detracts from the things that light a fire within us. I've always preached that, I've always believed it... and I've done my best to live it. So it really goes against the grain for me to say, "hey, I just can't really do that right now..."

I'd much, much rather be writing some grand manifesto about how I'm fed up with endless days that don't bring me joy, and announcing that I've submitted my two week notice. I desperately want to believe that I have more to offer in this life than acting as some cog in the global supply chain. I want to create things of beauty and substance. I want to advocate for our wild places, and for the marginalized among us. I want to help those who are struggling, I want to educate, I want to inspire. And I want to be able to throw my entire life force behind this- not just see how far I can get in little fits and starts.

But with each turn of the calendar comes the blessing of more blank pages on which to continue our stories, so hopefully a year from now I'll be much closer to such a reality. For the time, I have to keep trying to rebuild a life where it's even possible.

Patience, patience, patience...

And speaking of patience, I've said it many times before and will again- thank you to all of you who continue to follow along and bear with me. Now entering the fifth year of this newsletter I've written about many subjects and told lots of stories along the way. I think one thing that's probably become clear to my long time subscribers is that this has always been about more than just photography. It's about life. Following your heart, chasing dreams, and all the ups and downs that come with it. So while my photography business kind of provides the platform here, my larger goal in this is always to show the personal workings behind it, and I do that in the hope that those of you reading will find relatable parallels that might resonate with things that you're going through, or have experienced, in your own life.

Things can get really hard sometimes. And they rarely go as planned. I was thinking about a lot of this at work the other day (ten hour shifts on a fork truck definitely leave you with plenty of time to think...) and really getting down on myself. Hung up on past failures, mistakes and misturns, feeling stuck recognizing my life right now is nowhere that I ever hoped it would be. And a thought occurred to me that I think might be worth keeping in mind in such moments, when a little needed grace feels hard to come by...

"We're all just humans trying to figure out matters of the soul..."

Whatever 2024 brings I hope we can all find the strength and courage to give it our best, and to always keep putting one foot in front of the other. I hope it's a year filled with inner peace, love, and fulfillment, and one that ultimately leads us all further down the path to where we're meant to be.



Until next time, be well everyone.

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